How to Break Free from Brain Freeze as a Special Needs Parent

As parents of special needs kids, we manage a lot. We’re always aware of our child’s needs, planning for the support they require, and staying hyper-vigilant for any new challenges. Our brains are constantly working, always in a state of readiness for the next situation that might arise. But sometimes, our brains freeze.

What is “Brain Freeze”?

You know the feeling—you're faced with a situation or a question you weren’t prepared for. Maybe someone asks, "Why doesn’t he just play with the other kids?" or they make a comment like, "When my kid was little, I would never have allowed that." Suddenly, you freeze. Your mind goes blank, you lose your words, and sometimes, you shut down or snap at others. Then, shame sets in—shame for not having the perfect response, shame for feeling like you fell short.

Why Does Brain Freeze Happen?

The truth is, brain freeze is your mind’s way of protecting you. It's a biological response to overwhelm, a way of hitting pause when your brain can’t process everything that’s happening. For parents of special needs children, this can happen more often than we’d like. The constant need for hyper-awareness and quick thinking that is a part of our daily life can lead to overwhelm and a freeze response when you least expect it.

How to Break Out of the Freeze

When you're in the midst of a freeze, the way out is simple: ask a question. It doesn’t even have to be related to the situation. If someone says something triggering, like, "Why doesn’t he play with the other kids?" you can redirect by asking, “What are you doing later today?” or “That’s a cute shirt, where did you get it?”

You can also ask a more direct question, like, “What is your intention with this question?” or “Are you wanting to learn more about autism?” By putting the spotlight back on the other person, you break the intensity of the moment, giving yourself room to breathe and regroup.

Practice Makes Perfect

If you’re worried about whether you’ll be able to pull this off, don’t be. You can practice this skill daily. Ask questions, even simple ones, to shift attention back to others. The more you practice, the easier it becomes to navigate out of the freeze.

So the next time you feel overwhelmed, remember: the freeze has a purpose, and there is a way out. Start with a question.

Being a special needs parent is hard, but going it alone is even harder. If you are needing a little or a lot more support, please feel free to check out my parent coaching services or contact me to see if I might be able to provide you with the help you need moving forward.